Here I sit. Disappointed, frustrated, uneasy.
I had little alone time or time to recharge and I feel like I will burst
My heart aches and my stomach churns.
My breaking point: four kids, ages six and under. I know four kids is a lot to some…
I have never felt so unloved, short-tempered, irritable, short-of-breath, frustrated as I do now.
I wanted a turn at having some quiet…I found it. In the dark. After everyone went to sleep. It’s an awful feeling.
I cannot be as patient or kind or happy right now nor do I want to be. I honestly am calling it quits for the night: which means I am going to be woken up a few times tonight by each kid.
The struggle. The juggle.
It is happening and it feels better to share the cold reality to one facet of parenting: things you think and say.
I said plenty.
This is how I fell into a depression during pregnancy: the loneliness and the staying up late, inability to stay asleep and then being woken up and then caring hour upon hour for each person including myself (usually myself as the last person).
So, tonight: opportunity for alone time happened through journaling and blogging. Praise Jesus.
I am willing to shave off a few minutes of sleep to process out these negative emotions and feelings so that I can replace them with different ones.
I choose rest. I choose sleep. A goodnight to you all.