Birthdays

My official birthday is over in a few minutes and I’d like to wade in the pool of goodness from today. As I reflect on my childhood, we did little for birthday celebration… I’d say we were modest and minimal. Now, I think of my last ten years and I’ve been having more lavish birthdays… Celebrating more than one time and with different friends. I love birthdays!!

This year, I turn 33 and I feel like each year can only get better. I am grateful for each breath to have in my lungs. I am grateful to see the rising of the sun, to feel the cool and the cold of this winter day. I am grateful to receive multiple messages and words that lift this tired heart. My friends and family speak words that are like salve to this tired and weary mama. I can’t help but see all the grace in today.

My children sing to me. One greets me in the morning to wish me a happy birthday without any reminders! She’s excited for my birthday, maybe more than I am!

Fun birthday gifts this year: colorful journal set, gift cards, Pioneer woman Crock-Pot and my children’s gifts and also my dear husband. I made myself an ice cream cake! It was to share with my husband for his birthday (nine days ago).

Birthdays remind us to cherish one another, to receive gifts (and give as well).

I am glad to enter 33 with some hope and joy. Breathe. Breathe in and breathe out. You’re alive.

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Stepping Into Grace

As I considered a good day a few weeks ago and the utter disappointment I have felt some days, I consider my notes from the past. This is one reason I write. This is one reason to share. Everyday is a new one but when you can consider past victories, it can really give hope to future ones. So here’s from sometime before Christmas, first week in December sometime and my family and all “bit the bullet of sickness.”

Finally, I made it! It’s late.. after 9:30 and the house is quiet.

Sleeping, ill children and ill husband.

Pandora is playing Hymns on Piano and I just jotted down what was on my heart and in my mind.

My fingers rapidly tapped typing out words to my friend. Back and forth we went. She was so sweet and kind to be writing with such love and empathy: I am cheering you on! Keep eternity in perspective.

We all need this friend!

I am sitting here and I leafed through a page earlier. My two year old prayed last night. So sweet. 😭

How great the Father’s love. Really–I didn’t anything special to bring up this child. This is a gift. She prayed and thanked God for me.. yup. Her mama. I am glad I wrote that bit down. I had forgotten that… Until I went into my journal.

I live each day following a set of prints that were laid out before me… Ok I don’t see physically a set of size 8.5 foot prints and each direction! I do however, try to maintain a sense of connection with the Holy Spirit. So, today we survived caring for myself and the five. Praise be to God. I kept my cool and when I can do that: *Happy dance* and *Hallelujah Hands*

This brings to mind scripture saying God has prepared good works in advance: for me, it’s caring for my husband and children and abiding in him. Part of me feel like Gus in Psych with a thumb to the side of my nose saying, “You know that’s right!”

Today, I stepped into what God had for me and I am flying high.

I think we can all look for how we stepped into what felt like God had for us and it’s usually a victorious feeling. What moments of victory can you celebrate? God bless!

The Punishing Type

Mama, I see you sitting there with your kids and they’re frustrating. You’ve asked them so many times to do this and that. I heard you telling them if they don’t do what you’ve told them then that would be their punishment. They made you so angry, right?! I get it.

I am there today. I spent some time sitting and thinking it through and why must I grumble and complain? Why must I be so slow to forgive? Why must I be quick to be angry? It’s the worst.

Thanksgiving Where You Are

November 22nd 2017… it happened that I went into labor and we had our fourth daughter. Fast, crazy, intense would be the initial words but it wasn’t short of beautiful and amazing. Life and birth is amazing. We must never let it get old.

Fast forward a day, doctors told me we’d have a forty-eight hour stay. They could not treat me or baby with antibiotics for Group B Strep during the lightning entry and labor and delivery. Baby needed to be monitored for forty-eight hours as part of the practice.

Thanksgiving was spent in the hospital with sweet family and friends.

I look back and one of my friends hung out for three hours. Needless to say postpartum and achy, I was pretty much still. She’s never seen me like that! Heck, I have never seen me like that. *Insert laughter*

I took out my notebook the first night and wrote out all of which I was grateful for. Thanksgiving 2017 was unlike any other but I am most grateful to have had it this way. Newborn and rest. Quiet and fall colors. Beautiful views. Time to watch movies. Time to listen to music. Time to journal. Nurturing nurses and scrumptious snacks. Munchable meals. Friendly faces. I learned this season to have Thanksgiving alone and with company and away from home.

I am the Worst!

It’s true.. I have been saying this phrase a lot and it’s true: I am the worst! God is working on me, though. No worries there!

This phrase: I am the worst! Don’t know when you think or say it… but it may be in regards to receiving physical touch from my loved ones: I don’t need it and could go a while without it therefore, I am the worst! Most people crave this and want it. I am like “Meh.” *I am learning, though!*

I had a moody-moment and in my anger, loss of control, flood of hormones I had some wretched thoughts followed by some poor actions. I am the worst. What followed was just deep regret and lots of tears and some reflection and then my youngest’s love and affection. Wow, I don’t deserve such love.

As I sat there at the park, unwilling to play with my two year old. I was thinking things like, “I am due in eight days and I am grumpy.”

I was mad. I didn’t want to move. My heart was broken by my own actions; there I sat writing this letter to God, to myself and to other mamas.

My raw, emotional letter goes something like this:

Dear Mama, You’ll have moments of irritation to point of being so annoyed with your two year old. You’ll maybe do the crazy of driving away a few feet without buckling that child up so she can feel fear and trembling. You want that child to suffer and know without a doubt that you are the boss and you are in control. Yet, you are out of control emotionally. You’ll mourn and be sad. You have no control and you’ll hate yourself. Disgusted with yourself: you’re done. You feel so done.

You two year old said sorry and you tell her that you’re ready to forgive her. She makes you angry. You feel like she is so against you: she knows better yet she chose to go against you. It’s like she chose to annoy you and push you over the edge.

Mama, it’s not true, though. The two year old didn’t ask to go to the park so your almost-due-and-overly-moody-self could be miserable! She just wanted time with her mom and play at the park.

*Then your heart begins to counsel you: The human heart feels so wretched, because it is…The heart thinks things, feels and says things it should. The heart is wretched, yet it is able to be rescued, redeemed, and revived. There is One who does not let the human heart fail. God rescues, redeem, and revive the wicked and failing. He restores*

I am so glad I had a moment to journal. I had some tissues in my purse. I had one pen and one scratch paper. I am thankful that I am not left to despair and desolation but rescue and revival. If I am to parent and be a healthy mom, I need to accept these moments happen. I am under Christ, though, not under bonds of sin and anger and hatred but bound to love and forgiveness.

I forgave myself and got to play with my two year. A day later, we’re ok and I just wanted to write to you, Mama. It’s hard but you can be real and raw. Take your thoughts captive and talk to your God. He is ready to rescue, redeem and revive your heart.

For great resources in your parenting life:

Go to Revive Our Hearts: http://www.reviveourhearts.com

 

Reflecting on most of the year

And so it goes that almost eleven whole months have passed us in this year 2017.

I and my family are about to experience yet another transition and fullness to life.

 

I sit here, alone in the dark. Sounds of rain falling (that’s white noise from our girls room) and the other noises are the sweet two and a half year old singing rounds of Mary Had A Little Lamb. She begins to slow down. My husband is no longer reading to her or answering the thousands of questions. The other noises is our puppy snoring away. The small electric heater kicks on. She is no longer singing. There is not longer anymore talking or questions.

Ahh..  like drinking in refreshments. My day is coming to an end. I soon will be getting ready for bed. Bed. I have longed for sleep as my tired, achy body begged for hours earlier.

What preciousness this life offers.

November is going by steadily. I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with. This year has has many ups and yes some downs but many blessings.

This year I can say has been fantastic and I look forward with great hope and expectations for my life as mom of four little girls and being a wife of that wonderful man who has called me wife for going on nine years. Friends for life. Spouses for life. Grateful I sign off. Goodnight

The Chief End of Mom

Sitting there, I underlined those juicy notes. I was given part of the night to be home alone without anyone (but the dog and she’s asleep). My husband told me to enjoy: go read your Bible, read a book, watch a TV show… I love that man.  So, what did I do? I did some of my reading for Bible Study Fellowship. My mini-class opportunity; I am a life-long learner. Give me books and reading material… I will read it! Dare me!

So you’ve read the title? Let’s have a chat: I know… us “moms” are more than just a mom. We are first an individual person! We are the wife of so and so and the mom of so and so.

After reading through tonight’s notes, I began to re-write my mission and goal that I would be able to include all areas of my life as a may to “glorify God and to enjoy him.”

Have you considered your mission daily? What keeps you going? Do you have a small list of goals for the day? I am such a goals person! I love goals.

This morning, I sat there alone in a chair and stared at my darling daughters as one of sprawled on the couch and her sister sitting up curled in a blanket. Precious they are. My third daughter was last to come out of the bedroom and came straight for me. She’s currently really connected to me as daughter number four will join us soon. But what I saw this morning was my daughter taught me a lesson. She taught me to be bold, approach God, enjoy him.

I began asking myself if I do such a thing with my Savior and Friend? I don’t do it the way she does. She’s a natural!

If I am a child of God, shouldn’t I easily look for him. Go to him. Crawl up in his figurative lap and hang out? I am learning. I am learning for sure. I am grateful for the privilege of being Mom. I can take notes from these little teacher-beings also known as my daughters.

Soon I enter motherhood: Season New–Mom of four daughters ages 6, 4, 2.5 and new. I am looking forward to it! I am clothing myself in God’s strength and love and joy.

What lessons have your children taught you? What lessons has God used in your season to teach you about life? Please share.