The Punishing Type

Mama, I see you sitting there with your kids and they’re frustrating. You’ve asked them so many times to do this and that. I heard you telling them if they don’t do what you’ve told them then that would be their punishment. They made you so angry, right?! I get it.

I am there today. I spent some time sitting and thinking it through and why must I grumble and complain? Why must I be so slow to forgive? Why must I be quick to be angry? It’s the worst.

Advertisements

Thanksgiving Where You Are

November 22nd 2017… it happened that I went into labor and we had our fourth daughter. Fast, crazy, intense would be the initial words but it wasn’t short of beautiful and amazing. Life and birth is amazing. We must never let it get old.

Fast forward a day, doctors told me we’d have a forty-eight hour stay. They could not treat me or baby with antibiotics for Group B Strep during the lightning entry and labor and delivery. Baby needed to be monitored for forty-eight hours as part of the practice.

Thanksgiving was spent in the hospital with sweet family and friends.

I look back and one of my friends hung out for three hours. Needless to say postpartum and achy, I was pretty much still. She’s never seen me like that! Heck, I have never seen me like that. *Insert laughter*

I took out my notebook the first night and wrote out all of which I was grateful for. Thanksgiving 2017 was unlike any other but I am most grateful to have had it this way. Newborn and rest. Quiet and fall colors. Beautiful views. Time to watch movies. Time to listen to music. Time to journal. Nurturing nurses and scrumptious snacks. Munchable meals. Friendly faces. I learned this season to have Thanksgiving alone and with company and away from home.

I am the Worst!

It’s true.. I have been saying this phrase a lot and it’s true: I am the worst! God is working on me, though. No worries there!

This phrase: I am the worst! Don’t know when you think or say it… but it may be in regards to receiving physical touch from my loved ones: I don’t need it and could go a while without it therefore, I am the worst! Most people crave this and want it. I am like “Meh.” *I am learning, though!*

I had a moody-moment and in my anger, loss of control, flood of hormones I had some wretched thoughts followed by some poor actions. I am the worst. What followed was just deep regret and lots of tears and some reflection and then my youngest’s love and affection. Wow, I don’t deserve such love.

As I sat there at the park, unwilling to play with my two year old. I was thinking things like, “I am due in eight days and I am grumpy.”

I was mad. I didn’t want to move. My heart was broken by my own actions; there I sat writing this letter to God, to myself and to other mamas.

My raw, emotional letter goes something like this:

Dear Mama, You’ll have moments of irritation to point of being so annoyed with your two year old. You’ll maybe do the crazy of driving away a few feet without buckling that child up so she can feel fear and trembling. You want that child to suffer and know without a doubt that you are the boss and you are in control. Yet, you are out of control emotionally. You’ll mourn and be sad. You have no control and you’ll hate yourself. Disgusted with yourself: you’re done. You feel so done.

You two year old said sorry and you tell her that you’re ready to forgive her. She makes you angry. You feel like she is so against you: she knows better yet she chose to go against you. It’s like she chose to annoy you and push you over the edge.

Mama, it’s not true, though. The two year old didn’t ask to go to the park so your almost-due-and-overly-moody-self could be miserable! She just wanted time with her mom and play at the park.

*Then your heart begins to counsel you: The human heart feels so wretched, because it is…The heart thinks things, feels and says things it should. The heart is wretched, yet it is able to be rescued, redeemed, and revived. There is One who does not let the human heart fail. God rescues, redeem, and revive the wicked and failing. He restores*

I am so glad I had a moment to journal. I had some tissues in my purse. I had one pen and one scratch paper. I am thankful that I am not left to despair and desolation but rescue and revival. If I am to parent and be a healthy mom, I need to accept these moments happen. I am under Christ, though, not under bonds of sin and anger and hatred but bound to love and forgiveness.

I forgave myself and got to play with my two year. A day later, we’re ok and I just wanted to write to you, Mama. It’s hard but you can be real and raw. Take your thoughts captive and talk to your God. He is ready to rescue, redeem and revive your heart.

For great resources in your parenting life:

Go to Revive Our Hearts: http://www.reviveourhearts.com

 

Reflecting on most of the year

And so it goes that almost eleven whole months have passed us in this year 2017.

I and my family are about to experience yet another transition and fullness to life.

 

I sit here, alone in the dark. Sounds of rain falling (that’s white noise from our girls room) and the other noises are the sweet two and a half year old singing rounds of Mary Had A Little Lamb. She begins to slow down. My husband is no longer reading to her or answering the thousands of questions. The other noises is our puppy snoring away. The small electric heater kicks on. She is no longer singing. There is not longer anymore talking or questions.

Ahh..  like drinking in refreshments. My day is coming to an end. I soon will be getting ready for bed. Bed. I have longed for sleep as my tired, achy body begged for hours earlier.

What preciousness this life offers.

November is going by steadily. I am grateful for all that I have been blessed with. This year has has many ups and yes some downs but many blessings.

This year I can say has been fantastic and I look forward with great hope and expectations for my life as mom of four little girls and being a wife of that wonderful man who has called me wife for going on nine years. Friends for life. Spouses for life. Grateful I sign off. Goodnight

The Chief End of Mom

Sitting there, I underlined those juicy notes. I was given part of the night to be home alone without anyone (but the dog and she’s asleep). My husband told me to enjoy: go read your Bible, read a book, watch a TV show… I love that man.  So, what did I do? I did some of my reading for Bible Study Fellowship. My mini-class opportunity; I am a life-long learner. Give me books and reading material… I will read it! Dare me!

So you’ve read the title? Let’s have a chat: I know… us “moms” are more than just a mom. We are first an individual person! We are the wife of so and so and the mom of so and so.

After reading through tonight’s notes, I began to re-write my mission and goal that I would be able to include all areas of my life as a may to “glorify God and to enjoy him.”

Have you considered your mission daily? What keeps you going? Do you have a small list of goals for the day? I am such a goals person! I love goals.

This morning, I sat there alone in a chair and stared at my darling daughters as one of sprawled on the couch and her sister sitting up curled in a blanket. Precious they are. My third daughter was last to come out of the bedroom and came straight for me. She’s currently really connected to me as daughter number four will join us soon. But what I saw this morning was my daughter taught me a lesson. She taught me to be bold, approach God, enjoy him.

I began asking myself if I do such a thing with my Savior and Friend? I don’t do it the way she does. She’s a natural!

If I am a child of God, shouldn’t I easily look for him. Go to him. Crawl up in his figurative lap and hang out? I am learning. I am learning for sure. I am grateful for the privilege of being Mom. I can take notes from these little teacher-beings also known as my daughters.

Soon I enter motherhood: Season New–Mom of four daughters ages 6, 4, 2.5 and new. I am looking forward to it! I am clothing myself in God’s strength and love and joy.

What lessons have your children taught you? What lessons has God used in your season to teach you about life? Please share.

Reminders, Reminders

Ever feel like you’ve gone the whole day without doing a single thing?! Like you are sedentary and lame? Ok, I am having a few of those days. Granted: I am pregnant with child number four and the running around and tending to three is plenty of work, but I still feel like I could do more!

So… what is a woman to do? What did I do?

I spoke it aloud to a friend and told her how I was feeling and I also wrote it down.

First things first: my kids were well-fed and were even entertained. Next, I did things around the house. Plenty! Does my home reflect it? Not quite…

I am happy to report that I did plenty! My friend and I weeded out back and placed gravel in a section of the backyard, I watched a friends’ two kids and did a few loads of laundry! Then I got prepared items for a potluck (and of course did the breakfast and lunch to feed myself and my girls) and packed a change of clothes for my husband so he could be comfortable and not in work clothes at our friends’ house… I could keep going… so yes. I can rest… even more right… because I wrote this online and out in the blogging world to see. Why? Because, like you… I need reminders of my worth. I am worthy because not of what I do or don’t do but who I am. I am grateful.  I get to do all I get to do! 🙂

How can you consider what you’ve done today and be thankful for who you are and what you get to contribute to society?! List them!

The Kind of Children I Want

What a brave or bold thought, right? 

I didn’t get to read through the blog post or do more research but simply sitting and thinking through what the thought leader, Sally Clarkson, said is that if we’re wanting to have children who are loving and compassionate we will need to model that behavior in thought and action.

This is true. So very true.

I will not expect my children to be loving and compassionate if I, myself, am not aiming to be loving and compassionate in thought and deed.

I fail. Daily…

Yet, I am willing to talk with my children when I make mistakes and try again. I want them to know loving and compassionate people are not perfect but we’re willing to say “sorry” and “I was wrong” and so on.

What are the character qualities I want in my children?

  • Compassionate
  • Caring
  • Empathetic
  • Loving
  • Trustworthy
  • Inspirational
  • Christ-like (this last one, I can model, but I am asking the Lord to make this possible… and only He can do this)

The list is not exhaustive but I want to be the first few things others see in me and my family. This is the court scene: I am standing before my God and judge and I put my hand on the Bible saying, “So help me, God!”